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The Time Roulette (Chapter 11) part 2

作者:瑟夫│2018-07-08 11:38:20│巴幣:8│人氣:144
前言

看到各方的大大們對上篇有不同的迴響,決定以後皆以英文寫了,也是為了加強自己的能力(而且可以正大光明寫,拿給老師批閱應該也沒問題XDD),中文版之後會找時間附上,會描寫的更細緻一些,最後再次感謝大大們的鼓勵,小弟將會吸收各位給我的建議,付諸於之後的作品,也請各位持續對於我的作品提出意見,小弟自承還有很多改進的空間?。。╬s.上文為我創辦帳號以來最熱鬧的版了,不知道該喜還是該悲......)



“Alas......”King Jacob sigh. He cannot believe that the kingdom’s most skillful guards would defeated by Walar and Schin .

“That unbelievable......”

“Hello......are you King......Jacob ?”Sui Lian stand next to Jacob and ask.

“Yes I am ......”

“Nice to see you, your majesty .”Sui Lian salute to Jacob and say.

“So polite, little girl. What is your name?”ask Jacob.

“My name is Sui Lian.”

“Nice dress on you! You must really like it .”Jacob glimpse at her black dress and say.

“Well, it’s really gorgeous, wholeheartedly. But I just can’t love it.”

“Why? My girl.”

“Rather than dressing in the beautiful dress, be treated as a princess here, it’s better to live with my family, but now they are all gone......”After a few second, Sui Lian cried.

   King Jacob cannot stop but remind himself to the days that he had treated Sam as a criminal.

“I just want Mei Nai can have a bright future, but what I had done is really the right decision?......”

   Repeatedly recalling about Sui Lian words, King Jacob get caught up in an immense regret.

“I was despicable like a thief, depriving Mei Nai of her happiness ......”
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留言共 4 篇留言

筱焰銀狐
英文只要是一個完整的句子就該句號,比方說第一句國王嘆息就該句點,後面接著大寫He。

07-08 13:17

瑟夫
已修正07-08 13:46
筱焰銀狐

英文對話內也必須有主詞,像是dress like a princess 哪一段話一定要有主詞!

還有,還是太中式英文了,不能只是查英文單字然後照著中文邏輯翻譯哦!

07-08 13:17

瑟夫
好的,謝謝大大的意見,話說要怎麼加主詞還是有點不了解07-08 13:32
筱焰銀狐
咱有點不懂你的意思…可以考慮問問英文老師?面對面比較容易了解

07-08 20:27

瑟夫
好的,謝謝大大~~07-08 22:05
薄荷
would defeated→ would be defeated
是他們「被」打敗
That unbelievable......→That is unbelievable
動詞不見了
Hello......are you King......Jacob
→Hello聽起來就很不正式,對國王說話不太可能這麼隨便
be treated as a princess here→being treated
前後兩句動詞型態要一致
Rather than這句用中文寧願的句型下去套是錯的
I would rather A than B,表示A是相對好的
but what I had done is really the right decision?......
→問句要倒裝 is what I had done really the right decision?

07-09 12:49

瑟夫
感謝大大能耐下心來幫我抓錯與修正,會吸收意見並逐步修正自己的錯誤的,謝謝!07-09 16:18
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前一篇:The Time Rou... 後一篇:【極短篇小品】阿瑪嘉9 ...


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